Rishta in the UK: A Guide for Parents and Walis

A rishta is a marriage proposal that comes through the family. The word is Urdu and Hindi for a relationship or connection, and British families use it for the whole process of finding a match. Today, UK parents and walis find a rishta through relatives, rishta aunties, mosque bureaus, WhatsApp groups and websites.

Whichever route you use, three things protect your daughter or sister: her consent, your checks, and a marriage that is legally registered. Arab, Somali, Turkish and revert families do the same under other names, and this guide is for all of them.

What does rishta mean?

Rishta means a relationship or connection; in marriage talk, it means a proposal or a possible match. You’ll also hear:

• Rishta nata: literally “relations and ties”, the family network that matchmaking runs through.
• Rishta aunty: an older woman, often a family friend, who knows which families have sons and daughters of marrying age.
• Other words, same idea: Arabic speakers talk of a khitbah (proposal) and a khattaba (matchmaker). Turkish families speak of kız isteme, the visit to ask for her hand, and Bengali families of a ghotok (matchmaker).

Every community follows the same pattern: families introduce, the couple meet with family present, and both decide.

Is looking for a rishta Islamic?

Yes. The Qur’an tells the community to help its single people marry (An-Nur 24:32), and a rishta is one way families do that. What matters is how it’s done:

• Her consent is required. The Prophet ﷺ said a woman is not married off without her permission (Sahih al-Bukhari 5136). When Khansa bint Khidam’s father married her off against her wishes, the Prophet ﷺ ruled that marriage invalid (Sahih al-Bukhari 5138). A woman who has been married before has more say over herself than her guardian (Sahih Muslim 1421).
• The wali has a real role. In the majority view, a nikah needs her wali (Sunan Abi Dawud 2085). The Hanafi school, followed by many South Asian and Turkish families, lets an adult woman contract her own marriage but still respects the wali’s role.
• Look for deen and character. A well-known hadith tells families to accept a proposal from a man whose religion and character they are pleased with (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1084). Scholars grade it differently: al-Albani graded both narrations hasan, at-Tirmidhi called the second hasan gharib, and the Darussalam editors grade both weak (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1085). Putting deen first when choosing a spouse is also taught in Sahih al-Bukhari 5090.

Arranged is fine; forced is not

An arranged marriage, where families introduce and both people freely agree, is halal and normal. A forced marriage goes against everything above, and it is illegal in the UK (GOV.UK).

As of November 2026, nobody under 18 can marry in England and Wales, even with parental consent. Since 27 February 2023, arranging a marriage for a child has been a crime, and that includes a religious ceremony that isn’t legally registered (GOV.UK). Anyone under pressure can get advice from the government’s Forced Marriage Unit on 020 7008 0151.

How do UK families find a rishta today?

UK families now mix the old routes with new ones, and each has a weak spot worth knowing.

Route	How it works	Watch out for
Relatives and family friends	Someone who knows both families suggests a match	A small circle
Rishta aunties	She passes biodata between families	Details shared further than you agreed
Mosque marriage bureaus	The mosque keeps a register and arranges meetings	Quality varies
WhatsApp and Facebook groups	Parents post biodata, sometimes with photos	Anything posted can be forwarded to anyone
Apps and matrimony sites	The man and woman usually chat privately	The family may hear about it last
Wali-first websites	A man’s first contact is her wali	Smaller, newer pools

Mosque bureaus bring the community into the process: Birmingham Central Mosque, for example, runs one with an online platform and meetings at the mosque.

If your search reaches family in Pakistan, see our guide to online rishta for Pakistani families. For the wider picture, read Muslim marriage in the UK.

What should you check before saying yes to a rishta?

Check the man, not just the biodata, ideally through people who know him.

1. Identity. His full name, home and work. Speak to his parents or another relative early.
2. Deen and character. Does he pray? How does he treat his mother, and people who can do nothing for him? Ask his imam, a colleague or a friend you trust.
3. Marital history. Has he been married before, and does he have children? If he’s divorced, is it finalised, Islamically and in law?
4. Work and money. Can he support a home? Ask about debts as well as income.
5. Where they would live. With his parents, near yours or in another city? Agree it before the nikah.
6. Health. Ask, kindly, about anything that would affect married life.
7. Visas. If either of them would need one, discuss it openly from the start.

Red flags:

• He wants her number before your families have spoken, or asks her to keep things secret.
• He rushes the nikah or avoids registering the marriage.
• He or his family ask for money, gifts or for her family to furnish the home.
• His story changes, or he won’t let you meet his family or speak to his imam.

Our wali’s guide to vetting a suitor goes deeper, and questions to ask before nikah gives you a list to work from.

How do you keep your daughter at the centre?

Show her every rishta first, and let her say no without having to explain. Let them meet with family present. The Prophet ﷺ told a man to look at the woman he hoped to marry, as it was more likely to bring love between them (Sunan Ibn Majah 1865).

Encourage both of them to pray istikhara before deciding. If she is unsure, another meeting is better than a rushed yes.

Why should the marriage be registered?

Because in England and Wales a nikah on its own usually isn’t a legal marriage, and the wife carries most of the risk. As of November 2026, it is also a legal marriage only in a registered building, with an authorised person or registrar, after notice at the register office (GOV.UK).

In 2020, the Court of Appeal held that a nikah-only ceremony was not a marriage it could annul. So the wife could not seek a decree of nullity, or the financial orders that come with one (Attorney General v Akhter and Khan [2020] EWCA Civ 122).

Ask about registration before agreeing the nikah date; is a nikah legal in the UK? explains both routes.

How do you list your daughter or sister on IslamicKnot?

IslamicKnot is a wali-first Muslim marriage website where a guardian lists his daughter or sister free, and every enquiry comes to him by phone.

1. Create a guardian account. It’s free, with no premium tier.
2. Write the profile with her. Use her words. She can pick from ready-made preferences and change them any time.
3. Add a photo only if she wants one. Public photos are softly blurred, hijab and niqab photos are welcome, and you choose every photo. No photo is fine too.
4. A person reviews it. Every profile is reviewed by hand, and it can’t be listed until your number is on file, and we check that the number belongs to you.
5. Men browse free, then make five declarations. Before contacting you, a man declares the following, swearing by Allah on the first four:
   • he keeps the five daily prayers;
   • he will never ask her or her family for financial help, and won’t expect her family to pay for furnishing the home;
   • he is able to start a family: a halal income and no illness that would prevent marriage;
   • he doesn’t abuse any substance, and if he smokes, he says so openly;
   • he has read her profile and requirements, and believes they are a genuine match.
6. He pays, then calls you. He pays US$5 to contact your family (US$12 for three families, US$15 for five; no subscription). Only then does he see your number, which is never listed publicly.
7. Mark it “in talks” or pause it. “In talks” keeps her listed with a label men see before paying; pausing hides her from search.

IslamicKnot doesn’t vet men beyond those declarations and the payment, so your own checks still matter. Guardians who verify their identity with an official ID get a Verified badge, and verified profiles are listed first. Your daughter can also create her own profile and add your number; enquiries still come to you.

What if she has no Muslim family?

A revert sister’s rishta usually runs through her mosque, where an imam or Islamic centre director acts as her wali. This rests on the hadith that the ruler is the wali of whoever has none (Sunan Abi Dawud 2083).

On IslamicKnot, a revert sister joins free and her number is never shared. A brother who pays gets a supervised introduction, with a member of our team present in every message; IslamicKnot is a chaperone, not her wali. See our guide for revert sisters.

Sources

• Quran.com: An-Nur 24:32
• Sunnah.com: Sahih al-Bukhari 5136, Sahih al-Bukhari 5138, Sahih Muslim 1421, Sunan Abi Dawud 2085, Sunan Abi Dawud 2083, Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1084, Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1085, Sunan Ibn Majah 1865
• GOV.UK, Forced marriage (Forced Marriage Unit)
• GOV.UK, Legal age of marriage in England and Wales rises to 18 (27 February 2023)
• GOV.UK, Plan your ceremony
• Court of Appeal, Attorney General v Akhter and Khan [2020] EWCA Civ 122 (The National Archives)
• Birmingham Central Mosque, Marriage Bureau